It’s what’s for dinner

His dad was eaten by talk radio.

The long commutes droned on with music. He’d never admit it out loud, but the Christian radio station was what he dreaded most. Don’t for one second think it’s because he gets tired of hearing how good the Lord is. No, it’s just the repetitiveness, you know, lyrically. If there was more theology, he’d be sold.

So, instead, he looked for another option… something more useful, educational even. That’s when he discovered Rush Limbaugh.

Each day, this faceless man pressed his cherry lips up to a microphone and spoke velvety smooth words to dads all over the country. He taught them. He warned them. He never spoke emotionally on a subject unless it really was something men should be angry about.

But what went unnoticed was the repetitiveness, you know, lyrically. The propaganda, the fear, and the unbridled rage droned on and on, and yet, why were the listeners not reaching for the knob?

His brother was eaten by YouTube.

We were all naive in the late ’00s. The internet still seemed like a little window we could close at the end of the day. Children played games and watched Charlie’s finger get bitten like 50 times before it grew old. Wholesome.

But, over time, those children discovered they could learn anything on the internet, from anyone who interested them. History lessons, gun reviews, guitar tips, the civil war wasn’t really about slavery, alternative narratives, my favourite fountain pens, own the libs, America is turning communist, how to hit any moving target with your AK47, the top 10 funniest Parks and Rec bloopers you’ve never seen, is it bad to never turn off your iPhone?

His sister was eaten by TikTok.

Exhausted from watching her brother drill down into specific video creators, she chose the silver platter route. “I’ll have the algorithm special, please.”

Funny cats, funny dogs, funny horses, this girl’s mom doing something ludicrous, a political… swipe.

It was a safe haven: a retreat into the comical, original, honest videos of the peers she’ll never meet. Until the robot learns she listened to the words “Bible” and “taxes.”A fast dismissal from exvangelical content results in a spoonful of election conspiracy three videos later. She bites.

Like a set of nesting dolls, we all think we’re the ones consuming.